


Sort of Snow White

by TheEmcee



Category: Sengoku Basara
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - High School, Attempt at Humor, Implied Relationships, It's probably not funny though, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, School Plays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 14:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13928793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEmcee/pseuds/TheEmcee
Summary: It’s time for the annual school play and Ieyasu’s grade has to vote for who is best fit to play the female lead. Motochika and Ieyasu come to the conclusion that Mitsunari is the prettiest person in the school, and the rest of their grade agrees.





	Sort of Snow White

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or the franchise.
> 
> A/N: So, one day at work, an idea popped into my head and that idea was this: What would happen if Mitsunari was voted prettiest girl in school…and he’s a boy? This is supposed to be stupid, so don’t take it too seriously. Also, there’s yaoi, so if you don’t like that, then this story is not for you. If you do read it, please feel free to leave a comment in the towel section down below. Enjoy!

~…~

Sort of Snow White

~…~

 

Every year during the spring semester of school, each grade is elected to do a special project, like a play or an art gallery or something of the sort, to show off the talents of the people in each individual grade. What project each grade is given is determined solely on the faculty, and this year, Ieyasu’s grade was instructed to put on a play. The play decided was ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarves’, and it was time for every student in their particular grade to vote for who would play which character in the production. Now, for the most part, this was an easy process. Some people popped into Ieyasu’s mind immediately for certain characters while others took their time. However, there was one role that he had not been able to decide upon, and that role was of the title character. Snow White.

Since being given the voting ballot fifteen minutes ago, Ieyasu had been thinking about every girl in his grade, and none fit the part flawlessly. Snow White was the fairest in the land, and while many of his classmates were beautiful and cute, none of them matched the princess’ description to a T. Groaning, Ieyasu leaned back in his seat, thankful that these ballots had been passed out during study hall. Running a hand over his face, he picked up his ballot and read over the names he had written down. Every character had been taken, except Snow White’s. This shouldn’t have been this stressful.

“Hey! Ieyasu,” Motochika’s voice came from behind him and was accompanied by a pen being jabbed against his head. Ieyasu turned and faced his friend. 

“What’s up, Motochika?” he asked. Though Motochika had never been a perfect student, he never needed help with assignments or projects or anything of the sort, so what could he want?

“Who’d you put for Snow White? My mind is drawing a blank,” Motochika answered. Ieyasu sighed.

“I’m having just as much trouble as you are, my friend. I can’t picture any of our female classmates being a perfect fit for the role,” Ieyasu told him.

“Aye. This is proving to be most difficult,” Motochika said.

“We have to put down someone’s name,” Ieyasu said. He thought for a moment before he winced slightly and said, “Perhaps…Tsuruhime? Physically, she does fit the part, but I think she’s kind of…”

“Insane?” Motochika finished the sentence for him, not bothering to be quiet about it. Luckily, Tsuruhime wasn’t with them in study hall and couldn’t overhear their conversation.

“Not…exactly the word I was going to use,” Ieyasu told him.

“Yes, well, she is. Following Kotaro around like a lost puppy even in the boys’ locker room, sucking up to every teacher in the school, liking mornings… The girl is just unnatural,” Motochika retorted.

“Well, yes, but-“ Before Ieyasu could, he was interrupted.

“Will you two shut up?” Mitsunari turned around and hissed at them, his green eyes narrowed dangerously. “Sarutobi-sensei is going to ream you both out if you keep talking.”

Motochika shrank back in his chair just a bit, but Ieyasu merely smiled at Mitsunari. 

“Sorry, Mitsunari. We’ll keep it down,” he told his friend. He didn’t know it was possible, but Mitsunari’s eyes narrowed even more.

“Don’t just ‘keep it down’. Shut it altogether, you morons,” he said, his voice still harsh, but not a hiss this time. Then, he turned back around and focused on whatever assignment he had been working on. 

Ieyasu smiled, nodded, and turned back to Motochika. They were both used to Mitsunari by now, after having known him ever since they were babies. Even so, Mitsunari could be quite intimidating, despite how thin and tiny he was. He hardly had any muscle. But he was fast and intelligent and almost constantly angry and that made him an intimidating person to most people. Though Ieyasu seemed immune to Mitsunari, Motochika, he knew, was not, not always anyway. 

So, when he turned back to his friend and saw a look of contemplation on his face instead of trepidation, he was a bit surprised. 

“Motochika, my dear friend, what on Earth are you thinking?” Ieyasu asked, genuinely intrigued.

Motochika leaned forward against his desk and gestured for Ieyasu to get as close to him as possible. Once he and Ieyasu were mere inches apart, he spoke.

“Ieyasu, look at Mitsunari,” Motochika told him. Ieyasu turned his head and stared at his long-time friend. 

“I don’t see anything off about him, Motochika,” Ieyasu said when he turned back around.

“You didn’t notice that Mitsunari is rather…pretty?” Motochika asked him, his voice barely above a whisper. Had Ieyasu not been so close, he wouldn’t have been able to hear him.

“Pretty, you say?” Ieyasu mumbled softly and he once more turned to gaze upon Mitsunari. 

He was staring out of the window, pen pressed against his lips, obviously in thought, and it was then that Ieyasu understood what Motochika meant. Mitsunari was pale, which might’ve worked against anyone else but suited him perfectly, and had a straight nose and a well contoured face. His silver hair was short and shone beautifully in both sunlight and moonlight, and his lips, though thin, looked soft and warm. 

Yes, Ieyasu could definitely agree with Motochika that Mitsunari was quite pretty. Actually, ‘pretty’ wasn’t even a good enough word to describe him. No, Mitsunari was beautiful, breath-taking even, and Ieyasu found it impossible to look away.

His unblinking gaze caught Mitsunari’s eye, and he scowled and faced forward, depriving Ieyasu of his countenance. 

“Hey, Motochika? I think I understand now what you meant,” Ieyasu said and when he turned back to face his friend, he saw Motochika press the send button on his phone before locking it and putting it back in his pocket.

“Motochika, what did you do just now?” Ieyasu asked, having known from experience that Motochika had a mischievous strike as long as he was talk.

“Oh, nothing, nothing at all! Say, Ieyasu, don’t you think Mitsunari would make a perfect Snow White?” Motochika replied, lowering his voice to a whisper half way through. 

“Why, yes, I think he would, but even if you and I put his name on the ballot, there wouldn’t be enough votes to actually elect him the part,” Ieyasu answered.

“That might be true, but it wouldn’t hurt to try, would it?” Motochika pointed out. Ieyasu gave him a bright smile.

“No. No, it wouldn’t,” he said and he grabbed his ballot and jotted Mitsunari’s name down just a few seconds before the bell rang.

 

~…~

 

Ieyasu had barely made it through the front doors of the building when he sensed Mitsunari’s wrath approaching him. Everyone made sure to stand out of his way as he stalked menacingly toward the brunette, eyes narrowed and gleaming with murderous intent. Not knowing what had angered his dear friend so severely this early in the morning, Ieyasu gave him a sheepish smile and raised his hand to give him a tiny wave. At least, that was what he was trying to do before Mitsunari slammed his body up against the wall.

“G-good morning, Mitsunari,” Ieyasu managed to get out, still smiling, hoping to calm his friend.

“What made you think it was a good idea?” Mitsunari seethed, a few specks of spit landing on Ieyasu’s uniform, and his face a deep shade of red.

“What do you mean?” Ieyasu asked him, very much confused.

“Don’t act stupid with me!” Mitsunari snapped at him. “I know that it was you who put my name on that ballot. And of course, you being the golden boy, everyone just HAD to follow your lead, and now-“ Mitsunari cut himself off, looking embarrassed for a brief moment. His eyes darted to each side, ensuring that no one was eavesdropping or standing close by.

Realization dawned on Ieyasu and he scratched his head. He hadn’t thought that Mitsunari would be embarrassed or upset by his vote. Though, Mitsunari was mistaken; it hadn’t been Ieyasu who started it. That had been…

“Ieyasu! Mitsunari! What are you two up to?” Motochika said as he stepped inside, smiling jovially.

“M-Motochika, how fortunate that you’ve arrived so soon. Mitsunari was just inquiring about our votes,” Ieyasu informed his friend.

“Ah, yes! Masamune sent me a message before I left my house, telling me that Mitsunari had won the role of Snow White. Isn’t it great? We did it!” Motochika exclaimed, not aware of the danger set before him.

“So, it was you,” Mitsunari hissed, glowering at Motochika. “Both of you.”

“Why, yes. Ieyasu and I couldn’t think of anyone else more attractive for the role then you,” Motochika replied. It was only when he actually got a good look at Mitsunari did he notice just how angry he was. “I-I-I mean, I’m sure that you’ll bring much…uh…honor and…and...grandeur to the role!”

Mitsunari glared back and forth at both Ieyasu and Motochika for a moment before he stepped back from Ieyasu, who slumped against the wall. 

“I loathe you both,” Mitsunari hissed before he stalked away. Ieyasu watched him going, feeling truly sorry for upsetting his friend, before he turned to Motochika.

“I don’t think it was a good idea, voting for Mitsunari for the Snow White role,” Ieyasu said softly. “He seemed really upset.”

“Yes, well, he’ll eventually find someone else to want to kill when it’s all said and done,” Motochika said, though he didn’t sound or appear as confident as he was trying to be. He winced and added, “Motonari is even more pissed off than Mitsunari.”

Ieyasu picked his school bag up off of the floor, which had fallen when Mitsunari had pinned him to the wall, and began walking to homeroom with Motochika. “Why is that?”

“Because he didn’t get the role he wanted for the play,” Motochika answered him.

“What role did he get if not the Huntsman?” Ieyasu said.

“He got Dopey,” Motochika said just as they ducked into the classroom. A school bag barely missed his head, and Ieyasu turned to see Motonari glaring daggers at Motochika.

 

~…~

 

The results of the votes for the play had been posted by the cafeteria. Mitsunari’s name was listed quite clearly beside Snow White, while Ieyasu’s name was right beside the role of the Prince. Masamune was listed as the Huntsman, Magoichi as the Evil Queen, Sorin as the Magic Mirror, and the dwarves were all listed right underneath: Kanbei as Doc, Yukimura as Grumpy, Sakon as Sleepy, Keiji as Happy, Kotaro as Bashful, Toshiie as Sneezy, and Motonari as Dopey. All in all, it looked like a pretty good cast to Ieyasu, though he wasn’t entirely sure of himself in the role of the Prince, but he would certainly do his best.

Naturally, their class play was a highly discussed topic. For the remainder of the week, it was all Ieyasu heard his fellow peers talk about in between classes and at lunch. Quite a few of his female classmates were upset that they didn’t get the role of Snow White, especially Tsuruhime who would complain to anyone that’d listen that she wanted the role so that she could spend time with her sweet, darling raven. Ieyasu wondered how Kotaro felt about that, though it was hard to tell with him.

Masamune, who had aided Motochika in spreading the word amongst their classmates to vote for Mitsunari as Snow White, was very pleased with himself. His usual smirk hardly left his face and he loved reminding Mitsunari at least five times a day that not only would he have to wear a dress, but he’d have to make out with the prince. 

Ieyasu felt absolutely awful for Mitsunari. His friend went from looking utterly miserable to pissed off depending on who approached him about the play. Granted, Mitsunari almost always looked pissed off and it was hard to tell if he was upset or sad, but those who had known him for a long while, like Ieyasu, it was rather obvious to see when he was. Or perhaps that was just Ieyasu. He had tried to apologize to Mitsunari and had tried to get Masamune to lighten up on him, but his efforts had been for not.

Now, all he had to do was make it through rehearsals and the actual play. It couldn’t be that bad, right?

 

~…~

 

Rehearsals were, at first, disastrous. Motonari loathed being Dopey and was very reluctant to cooperate; Yukimura was far too exuberant and happy to play Grumpy properly; Keiji was perfect for Happy, but he often tried to compete with Toshiie, who couldn’t quite grasp the concept that Sneezy was named Sneezy for a reason; Sakon wanted to try and play cards or gamble more than memorize the script; Kotaro didn’t talk at all, which wasn’t that difficult a hurdle to overcome; and Kanbei kept adding lines and explanations that, well, didn’t exactly fit into the play. 

The only two who seemed to try and take the rehearsals seriously were Magoichi and, surprisingly, Mitsunari. Ieyasu thought that his friend might’ve tried to get out of the role, but the director, Uesugi-Sensei, wouldn’t allow it. After the first few weeks, things began to fall into place and everyone played their parts well. Ieyasu had to admit that they were getting along rather nicely. He was looking forward to dress rehearsals and opening night.

Best of all, even though Motochika didn’t get a role in the play, he was part of the stage crew, which meant he’d be helping with backgrounds, props, and all kinds of fun, exciting stuff. Ieyasu had to admit that as it got closer to opening night, he was enthusiastic about the play and had almost forgotten about how angry Mitsunari was at him.

The first dress rehearsal was on Thursday evening, two days before opening night. Everyone was in the costumes and had some kind of makeup on. As Uesugi-Sensei had told them all, applying eyeliner at the very least allowed their eyes to stand out just a little bit more, which was a good thing. Magoichi looked absolutely stunning and terrifying in her Evil Queen get up. Each dwarf wore a tunic, each a different color to help differentiate them, and simply brown trousers. Masamune was in full get up and looking completely comfortable and confident. But Mitsunari, however, sported a mere black dress, plain and boring. 

“I thought that this was dress rehearsal. Why isn’t Mitsunari being forced to suffer through the same humiliation as the rest of us?!” Motonari demanded, glaring at Uesugi-Sensei and poking an accusatory finger at Mitsunari. Luckily for everyone else, especially Motonari, Mitsunari was too embarrassed and furious to pay him any attention. Ieyasu could only stare in amusement as Uesugi-Sensei barely even blinked at Motonari and explained simply.

“When Mitsunari appears on stage in both his peasant costume and his princess one, I want the rest of you as well as the audience to be stunned by his ethereal beauty. It will make your reactions far more believable,” was all he said. 

The blush on Mitsunari’s face deepened and he hung his head, his shoulders quivering in what Ieyasu believed was shame. Masamune snickered. Magoichi patted Mitsunari’s shoulder before she walked to the back of the stage towards her book bag looking for her script.

“That’s a stupid excuse!” Motonari countered. Uesugi-Sensei leveled an icy gaze at him.

“Motonari, as someone who prides himself on perfection and his impeccable academic record, shouldn’t you be putting more effort into your Dopey role?” Uesugi-Sensei asked him. “You have yet to grasp his most basic and fundamental characteristic.”

“And what would that be?” Motonari asked, his eyes narrowed and his voice hesitant.

“Silence,” Uesugi-Sensei said, the barest hints of a smile on his face. At that, Motonari’s face flushed a deep, dark red and he mumbled an apology before he walked away. With that out of the way, Uesugi-Sensei turned his stare to Ieyasu, who straightened up and gave the teacher a smile. “Ieyasu, you look just as I had imagined you would as Prince Charming.”

“Thank you, Uesugi-Sensei. I hope I do you proud during our live performances,” he said.

“I’m sure you will,” Uesugi-Sensei said. He cleared his voice and spoke loud and clear to the rest of the cast and crew, “Everyone! We will begin our rehearsal in a moment. Places, please!” 

As Ieyasu moved towards the auditorium door on his left side, where he would be entering from, and leaned against the wall, trying to make himself blend in as much as possible. During the opening night and the second performance the following day, that will be more possible since the auditorium will be dark. Now, though, with the hallway lights on, he was as obvious as a pimple. Thankfully, the doors were already propped open and would stay that way until Sunday night, after their second and last performance.

“Best of luck, Motonari,” Motochika called to the short brunette. 

“Shove it, moron!” Motonari yelled back.

Ieyasu shook his head and smiled at Motochika, who looked over at him and shrugged nonchalantly. The lights in the auditorium were dimmed and the rehearsal began.

 

~…~

 

At last, the opening night of the play was upon them! Everyone was chattering backstage, where the large, thick red curtain shielded them from the audience filling the seats. Ieyasu, in his full princely get up, was feeling nervous but almost very excited. This would be his first play and he was confident that he’d do well. As a matter of fact, he was confident that everyone would do well and have fun too.

The only person Ieyasu hadn’t seen was Mitsunari. True to his word, Uesugi-Sensei was keeping him away from everybody else. In fact, he was so dedicated to Mitsunari’s reveal to everyone that he asked two of the ushers to stand guard outside of the closed choir room, where the dwarves were waiting until it was their time to shine. No one knew what Mitsunari would look like and it was creating quite a lot of gossip and chatter. Ieyasu was positive that Mitsunari would look wonderful. He would certainly perform wonderfully, that much had been made apparent during the rehearsals.

Finally, everyone was in their seats and the lights dimmed. Anticipation was thick and palpable in the air and Ieyasu was giddy with excitement. Soft music began to play, which was the signal for Uesugi-Sensei to begin the opening narration.

“Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, lived a princess. A princess whose skin was as white as winter snow, whose hair was as black as ebony, and whose lips were redder than a rose,” he began, his voice soft and sure, sending shivers down Ieyasu’s spine.

The spotlight turned on. The red curtain was drawn, revealing the set: cardboard cut-outs of trees, bushes, and animals. In the center was a cardboard well with fake doves glued to it, while in the background there was a small, makeshift wooden stage made to look like a small stairwell leading into a castle tower. A black curtain had been placed at the archway of the tower to make it look like an entryway. It was from there that Mitsunari appeared.

From his position against the wall, Ieyasu could not see him, but the gasps of surprise and awe that came from the audience made his heart flutter and beat rapidly.

“The princess, though gentle and fair, was forced to wear rags and work as a scullery maid, as was decreed by his jealous stepmother,” Uesugi-Sensei’s voice resounded throughout the auditorium. Ieyasu could barely hear the wooden steps of the stage creek under Mitsunari’s weight as he walked down them. A loud sigh came from the stage and Ieyasu found himself leaning towards the stage in anticipation of Mitsunari’s voice.

“Want to hear a secret?” Mitsunari asked the fake doves, who didn’t respond. “Promise not to tell?” Again, no answer. “This well right here is a wishing well!”

“If you say your wish into a wishing well and it echoes back, it’ll come true!” Ieyasu could only listen to Mitsunari’s voice, but he sounded so genuine and sincere, and there was a kindness and gentleness in his voice that Ieyasu has only heard a few times.

“Wishing well, wishing well, I’m waiting for the one I love to find me today,” Mitsunari said into the well. Ieyasu could see it in his mind’s eye, how Mitsunari would turn his head toward the well just like in rehearsal, and a bright, hopeful smile would spread across his face. “Did you hear that?! It echoed! Wishing well, wishing well…”

And that was Ieyasu’s cue. As Mitsunari spoke, Ieyasu slowly began to walk, entranced by Mitsunari’s voice. He walked along the railway that lead up to the stage, slowly. His heart was pounding as he walked. For the first time, he would see Mitsunari in his full costume. Making his way toward the stage proper, Ieyasu could see Mitsunari’s outfit, a thing of rags with holes and tears, and the black wig he had to wear for the role.

“…for the one I love…” Ieyasu continued walking towards Mitsunari. He was on the stage and wasn’t far from the taller, thinner teen.

“…to find me today,” Mitsunari finished. Ieyasu was standing right beside him now.

“Today?” Ieyasu asked, leaning towards the well and looking down. 

Mitsunari let out a gasp and he straightened up, turning towards Ieyasu and backing away. As he did this, Ieyasu also straightened up and looked at Mitsunari. He stopped dead in his tracks. A blush crossed his face and his heart stalled for a second before it began beating like a jackrabbit. Mitsunari didn’t look wonderful; he looked absolutely breathtaking. Pale just like snow with ruby-red lips that looked oh, so kissable. Soft purple eye-shadow had been carefully brushed onto his eyelids; his lashed were thick and black; and his eyes stood out perfectly, with the barest traces of eyeliner tracing them.

“Wait, please don’t run!” Ieyasu called out to Mitsunari as he carefully climbed the tower stairs. “All my life, I’ve been searching for someone, for one song to resonate within me. And…I believe that you are that song.”

“However, Snow White’s jealous stepmother watched their exchange from afar, and in anger she called for her stepdaughter,” Uesugi-Sensei’s voice continued.

“Snow White!” Magoichi’s voice screeched from off stage. Mitsunari turned in the direction of her voice, a look of worried and fear on his face. He turned back to Ieyasu.

“I...I have to go,” Mitsunari told him.

“Wait! Will I see you again?” Ieyasu asked him, heart pounding.

“Oh, yes! I always come to this well to fetch water for my chores,” Mitsunari said. “Good-bye, fair prince!”

“Good-bye,” Ieyasu called as Mitsunari disappeared into the tower. The stage faded to black, the curtain closed, and as the stage crew, Motochika included, began to switch out the sets, Ieyasu exited, leaving through one of the doors in the very back of the stage.

Once everything was in place, the curtain rose again and the lights turned on, revealing Magoichi glaring at her Magic Mirror, Sorin. The short blonde seemed a bit nervous and stiff, but otherwise calm as Magoichi spoke.

“Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” Magoichi asked, her voice seething with anger and jealousy.

“It is true that you are beautiful and fair. Any man would be lucky to be invited into your lair,” Sorin began, his voice nervous and pitchy. “But there is another who is far more beautiful than you, and who isn’t a humongous skank too.” That last part, Sorin improvised, having forgotten his actual line. The audience laughed while Magoichi merely quirked an eyebrow.

“And tell me, magic mirror, who this beauty is,” she said, her voice cold.

“It is Snow White who I speak of. A perfect, pretty princess who has been sent from above,” Sorin replied.

“Of course it is! Not even rags can hide her beauty. There must be a way to deal with her once and for all,” Magoichi growled, rage emanating from her body in waves.

“There is, my queen, a way to be far more beauty than she,” Sorin said.

“And what way is that, magic mirror?” Magoichi asked. Silence came. Sorin blinked rapidly and licked his lips. Magoichi looked at him, eyebrow arched. Again, she asked, “And what way is that, magic mirror?”

“Make the huntsman kill her!” Sorin blurted out, his voice cracking on the word ‘kill’.

“Ah, yes, the huntsman,” Magoichi said. Coming from stage-left, Masamune appeared, looking utterly badass in his costume.

“Yeah, what do you want?” he asked. Magoichi stared at him for a moment before he rephrased, “I mean, yeah, what do you want, your Majesty?” 

“Huntsman, I require your assistance for a very special…quest,” Magoichi said smoothly.

“Is that so? And what kind of…quest would it be?” Masamune said, a smirk forming on his face.

“I want you to take Snow White into the forest and kill her,” Magoichi said, as though she gave orders like that every day.

“Done!” Masamune said.

“No objections?” Magoichi asked him, surprise as evident as in her voice as it was on her face.

“Nope,” Masamune answered.

“No…doubts?” Magoichi continued.

“Nah,” Masamune replied.

“No…conflict of morals?” she prodded.

“I have very few of those, so no,” Masamune told her.

“Oh. Well, good. Very good,” Magoichi said. She held out a box with a red cardboard heart glued on it. “I want you to cut her heart out and bring it to me in this box.”

“Can do. Anything else you need?” Masamune asked.

“Pick up my dry cleaning as well,” Magoichi improvised in an attempt to throw Masamune off. It didn’t work.

“Snow White’s heart and dry cleaning, check and check. See ya later, your Majesty,” Masamune said.

“Do not fail me,” Magoichi said softly, more to herself than Masamune as she watched him leave.

“I never fail!” Masamune called back to her.

Again, the lights dimmed and the crew quickly put together a forest setting, complete with a small flower meadow at the very edge of the upper portion of stage-right. When the lights brightened, it showed Mitsunari kneeling down by the meadow, pretending to pick flowers as Masamune stood behind him, leering down at him with a look of satisfactory revenge on his face. While Mitsunari hummed, he unsheathed his sword, a fake plastic one, as held it above his head. With a manic cry, he brought it down, trying to strike Mitsunari from the back.

With a cry of surprise, Mitsunari tumbled out of the way and gasped in horror as Masamune hit the flowers. He pulled his sword up and stalked towards him, heaving like a wild animal.

“Your stepmother wants me to bring her your heart and I intend to do so,” Masamune growled out. Mitsunari glared at him.

“Losing your eye has made you mad, Huntsman, and unable to accurately judge depth,” he said before kicking Masamune in the balls and running off. With a pain, high-pitched cry, Masamune fell to his knees, both hands clutching his package, before he fell onto his side.

All lights on the stage faded except for the spotlight, which followed Mitsunari through the forest, shrieking and crying out as in ran into scary trees and menacing eyes. After running around in circles for a few minutes, which gave Masamune enough time to crawl off of the stage, he fell to his knees and cried into his hands, shoulders wracked with sobs, spotlight still trained on him.

The stage crew gently pushed out two long, light planks of wood that were covered in colored cardboard animals: deer, rabbits, raccoons, and a turtle. As the ‘animals’ made their way toward Mitsunari, he stopped sobbing and looked up from his hands.

“Ooh!” he exclaimed in surprise. The stage crew pulled the planks back, simulating animals running from the terrified princess.

“Wait! Don’t run away! I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Mitsunari called out to them. Carefully and cautiously, the animals came back out and Mitsunari smiled brightly at them. “I’m sorry for the fuss I made. And all because I was afraid.”

Some of the stage crew chirped and cooed in response. Mitsunari continued to smile and stood up, brushing off his pretty dress. 

“Would you happen to know of a place I could stay?” he asked the animals. 

More chirping and cooing and sounds like that replied and with a laugh, Mitsunari skipped as he followed them off stage. The spotlight turned off and the forest was replaced with a clearing and a cottage. From stage-right, Mitsunari reappeared as the lights turned on.

“Oh, what an adorable little cottage!” Mitsunari exclaimed. He skipped towards it and peered inside. “Oh, my, these windows are so dirty and dusty that I can’t see inside. I wonder if anyone is home.” He knocked three times, waited for a second, and then knocked again. Upon receiving no response, he said, “I guess not. Well, I’ll just have to break and enter it, won’t I?”

Upon opening the cardboard door, the lights faded and the stage crew quickly brought out the inside of the cottage, which was really two rooms separated by a thin piece of plywood. The lights brightened and Mitsunari gasped.

“It’s even worse than I imagined! Everything is so dirty and dusty. It’s going to take me a while to clean this, but I can do it!” he said. Mitsunari began cleaning, using a broom to sweep the stage floor, all the while humming to himself. 

“Little did Snow White know that the cottage belong to seven little men. Dwarves, who worked in a mine not far away,” Uesugi-Sensei’s voice narrated while the lights turned off.

In a matter of moments, the cottage was transformed into a mine. One by one, the dwarves filled onto the stage and into their proper places. When the lights were turned back on, the dwarves began. Motonari, glaring and silently fuming, pushed a wheel barrel around while Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, and Bashful mined. Doc was standing at a table full of gems and precious stones, examining them carefully.

“Is it almost quitting time?” Sleepy asked, ending his sentence in a yawn.

“WHAT ARE YOU SO TIRED ABOUT, SLEEPY?! YOU HARDLY DID ANYTHING TODAY!” Yukimura shouted, trying to act angry and put-off. Instead, he was just loud and overexcited.

“Nonsense! He-he-he-he-ACHOO!” Sneezy started but couldn’t finish due to his sneeze. 

“Aw, c’mon, fellas. It’s not so bad, is it! Actually, this is rather fun when you think about it,” Happy said, a big smile on his face.

Bashful said nothing. Doc threw a damaged gem into the wheel barrel. In the background, a cuckoo clock chimed, signaling the end of their workday.

“Heigh ho!” Doc called out, his deep voice rumbling and resonating throughout the entire auditorium. The other dwarves stare at him, Yukimura looking more intense than grumpy. Again, with his gusto, Doc called out, “Heigh ho!”

“Heigh ho,” came a bunch of grumbles and groans. Doc rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. Let’s just go home,” he said, and, one after another, the dwarves followed Doc out of the mine.

As they walked, their mine was turned back into the cottage. As they stumbled into the first room, they all gasped.

“Hey, it’s clean! And we didn’t have to do it!” Happy cried out, looking, well, happy.

“I smell…I smell…I smell…” Sneezy began, sniffing the air. He took a big whiff when he turned to the cauldron over the fire, all of which was drawn onto a large piece of cardboard that was pinned to plywood. “FOOD!” And then he sneezed and tumbled back onto his butt.

“HOW DARE SOMEONE CLEAN OUR HOUSE FOR FREE!!!” Yukimura cried out. 

“Great. Can I take a nap now?” Sleepy asked, curling up on the floor.

“SLEEPY, YOU FOOL! DON’T YOU SEE THAT SOMEONE BROKE INTO OUR COTTAGE AND CLEANED IT!?” Yukimura exclaimed.

“And?” he said while yawning.

“We need to see if the culprit is still here,” Doc said.

Throughout all of this, Bashful said nothing.

“THAT’S RIGHT! LEAD THE WAY, DOC!” Yukimura said. Doc looked at him, dark hair covering his eyes, head tilted to the side.

“Suuuuuure,” he said, albeit hesitantly.

One by one, the dwarves lined up behind Doc, with Dopey being the last in line and looking as venomous as ever. They all crept through the first room and into the second, were three beds from the nurses’ station had been set up. And sleeping on one, was Mitsunari. With a loud yawn, he woke up and rubbed his eyes. Then, he looked up at the dwarves and cried out.

“Oh, my! And who might you be?”

“WE ARE THE ONES WHO LIVE HERE, TRESPASSER!” Yukimura told him. 

“But you’re…you’re…”

“Incredibly handsome?” Happy offered, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Strong and mus-mus-muscu-CHOO!” Sneezy sneezed loudly before finishing, “muscular?”

“Ready for a cuddly nap with a hot princess?” Sleepy added, winking at Mitsunari.

“Tall,” Mitsunari said. “For dwarves”

“Oh,” said all of the dwarves except Bashful and Dopey, who glared daggers of hatred and loathing at Mitsunari.

“But that’s not a bad thing!” he quickly added.

“AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE, INCREDIBLY LOVELY BUT NONETHELESS INTRUSIVE BURGLAR?!” Yukimura demanded.

“I’m Snow White,” Mitsunari replied.

“Snow White?!” the dwarves exclaimed.

“The princess?” Doc asked.

“Yes, that’s me,” Mitsunari said with a nod.

“But what is a place like you doing in a princess like this?” Doc said. Dopey elbowed his hard in the side. “I-I mean, what is a princess like you doing in a place like this?”

“Well, you see, my stepmother ordered the huntsman to kill me. But I kicked him in the balls and ran into the woods. And then, I found your cute, little cottage,” Mitsunari explained. As he did, all of the dwarves placed their hands in front of the trousers, covering themselves from any potential blows.

“The queen wants you dead?!” Sneezy asked.

“BUT WHY?!” asked Yukimura.

“I don’t know, but here I am!” Mitsunari said. He sniffed the air and smiled before saying, “Dinner is ready!”

All eight of them made their way into the next room. Mitsunari handed each dwarf a bowl of stew before the lights fade. When they came back on, it was the next day and the dwarves were leaving for another hard day’s work in the mine.

“Now, don’t talk to any strangers or let anyone inside, okay?” Doc told Mitsunari, who stood at the door.

“Of course, Doc,” he said before kissing Doc’s cheek. Doc cleared his throat and turned to head off toward the mine.

“You have a good day, Princess,” Happy said before pulling Mitsunari into a bear hug. Mitsunari laughed and patted his back hard to indicating he was ready to stop. Happy ruffled his hair and trotted off merrily after Doc.

“Could you put an extra pillow on my bed, please?” Sleepy asked, yawning. Mitsunari nodded.

“Of course. Don’t fall asleep on your way to the mine,” he said before kissing Sleepy’s cheek. Sleepy blinked rapidly a few times before perking up.

“After a kiss like that, I don’t think I could even take a nap,” Sleepy said with a dreamy sigh. And then, he was off.

“Could you make me two pies, ple-ple-ple,” Sneezy started before he began huffing. Mitsunari held his index finger to his nose and Sneezy stopped. With a smile he said, “Thanks, Princess.”

“You’re welcome, and of course,” Mitsunari said. After Sneezy walked off, Bashful dashed through the door, avoiding Mitsunari altogether. Dopey followed suit, glaring at Mitsunari as he did so.

“DO NOT LET ANYBODY INSIDE THIS COTTAGE, YA HEAR, PRINCESS?!” Yukimura demanded. “AND BE WATCHFUL FOR ANY WITCHES!”

“Of course. Have a good day, Grumpy,” Mitsunari said as Grumpy began following after the others.

“I WLL. THANK YOU!”

“And with the dwarves gone, Snow White began making pies for the dwarves, completely unaware of what her stepmother, the evil queen, was up to,” Uesugi-Sensei spoke, his voice an indicator for the lights to dim and the curtain to fall. “For upon hearing of the huntsman’s unfortunate ordeal with the princess, the queen began to plot her stepdaughter’s demise.”

When the curtains rose and the lights turned on, the stage was now the evil queen’s dungeon lair. Magoichi was pacing back and forth, looking thoughtful. 

“That pitiful huntsman was down by a single blow to the nuts. I do not have that problem, but I can’t outright kill Snow White. People know who I am,” Magoichi contemplated. “But a disguise…and perhaps something subtle, something that can’t be detected normally. Poison, perhaps. Yes, yes, poison.”

Magoichi turned to her spell book, which was positioned in the center of the stage. Opening it, she turned the pages of the Algebra textbook to some random page. 

“A peddler’s disguise. Perfect,” she said. Turning to a table near the wall of the dungeon, where the ingredients for her various spells were located.

“Mummy’s dust, to make me old. The black of night, to shroud my clothes. To age my voice, an old hag’s cackle. To whiten my hair, a shriek of fright. A blast of wind, to fan my hate!” Magoichi held her goblet to the window drawn into the wall. “And a bolt of lightning, to mix it well!” She pantomimed drinking from the empty goblet and shrieked.

Suddenly, the lights turned off and the sounds of thunder reverberated throughout the auditorium. Blue, green, and red lights flashed and smoke billowed across the stage. When it was over, the thunder stopped and the lights slowly came back on. Magoichi stood up and began cackling softly before turning around and laughing hysterically. Whereas before, when she was beautiful, now she was old and withered, hunching over and with a deeper, cracked voice.

“Now, to finish my spell,” Magoichi croaked. Grabbing an apple from the table behind her, she dipped it into the small, empty plastic cauldron and recited. “When she breaks the tender peel to taste the apple in my hand, her breath will still and her blood congeal. And finally, I’ll be fairest in the land!” She cackled maniacally, pulling the apple up and putting it in a basket that had other apples.

“Snow White will be dead and buried and then my heart can rest at ease,” Magoichi said as she exited the dungeon.

Once more, lights faded to black and after a minute of the stage crew putting up the appropriate backgrounds, the lights came back on and revealed the clearing with the cottage. At the window was Mitsunari, making pies for the dwarves. The old hag appeared and hobbled towards the window. Upon looking up, Mitsunari gasped.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there. May I help you?” Mitsunari asked.

“I see that you’re making pies,” Magoichi said.

“Yes, I’m making a cherry pie for Grumpy,” Mitsunari told her with a bright smile.

“Cherry? That’s a good flavor. But it’s apple that captures a man’s eye,” Magoichi said.

“Apple?” Mitsunari repeated back to her. Magoichi nodded and smiled.

“Yes, my child, apple. In fact, I have a perfectly red apple in my basket.” She rummaged through her basket before withdrawing the apple and offering it to Mitsunari. “Here. Have a bite. It’s delicious.”

“Well…okay,” Mitsunari said before taking a bite. He chewed a few times before he stopped. “Oh…oh, I feel…strange.” And then, he collapsed to the ground.

With a victorious shriek, Magoichi cackled, bringing herself to her knees. She was in such a laughing crazy that she drew the attention of the dwarves, who had not yet made it to the mine. All seven dwarves ran through the auditorium doors on stage-right and up the ramp that lead to the stage.

“Look! It’s a witch!” shouted Sleepy.

“That’s no witch, that’s the evil Queen!” Happy yelled.

“GET HER!” Yukimura exclaimed. 

Gasping in surprise, Magoichi sprung to her feet and began to run around the stage whilst the dwarves pursued her. They ran and ran and ran, the dwarves shouting at the evil queen while Magoichi threw insults back at them. Dopey tripped over a fake bush and fell to his face. Before he could get up, Magoichi and the dwarves charged towards him, all of the too caught up in the thrill of the chase to even notice him. Shrieking like a girl, he curled up in a ball while Magoichi and the others leapt over him.

Finally, after minutes of running about, the dwarves cornered Magoichi against the edge of the stage.

“You stupid, little fools! She’s dead! There’s nothing you can do!” she cried to them, huffing from her exertion.

“Oh, yes there is,” Sneezy countered angrily. Magoichi scoffed and sneered at him.

“And what would that be? Blowing mucus all over me? Oooooh, I’m so scared,” she taunted.

“NO, WE CAN DO THIS!” Yukimura yelled at her. 

All of the dwarves pushed her and Magoichi fell off of the stage, crying as she fell to her death, which was really just a mattress lying on the ground. The curtain fell and the lights dimmed.

“Although the dwarves had raced to Snow White’s aid, there was nothing they could do for her. She was dead. However, as Snow White was as beautiful in death as she was in life, the dwarves could not bring themselves to bury her,” Uesugi-Sensei narrated. “Instead, they build her a coffin of diamonds, gold, and glass, and kept vigil over her grave. Meanwhile, the charming prince who had met Snow White before her exile heard the tale of a breathtaking maiden lying in a glass coffin. He made his way across the land to her gravesite.”

After his narration, the curtain was drawn up and the lights brightened, showing all seven dwarves kneeling by Mitsunari, who was lying still on one of the nurse’s beds, the sides taped with posters of flowers. From stage left, Ieyasu appeared, walking through the auditorium’s double doors and up the side ramp to the stage. He made his way across the stage and to Mitsunari’s coffin. Leaning down, he placed a kiss to Mitsunari’s lips and knelt down on one knee to grieve for his lost love.

But low and behold, Ieyasu’s kiss was the cure for the poison apple. Mitsunari woke up, stretching and yawning, drawing the attention of the prince and the dwarves, who whooped and hollered in joy. Ieyasu bent down and picked Mitsunari up, carrying him bridal style off of the stage. With that, the curtain closed and the audience erupted into applause.

 

~…~

 

“Did you not brush your teeth before coming in here?” Mitsunari snapped at Ieyasu before he punched his shoulder. “And put me down!” Smiling, Ieyasu did so.

“Of course I did. You were amazing, Mitsunari, truly,” Ieyasu told him, eyes bright with excitement and joy.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Mitsunari grumbled as he, Ieyasu, and the rest of the cast and crew lined up on stage to take a bow. When the curtains lifted, they bowed to stage left, stage right, and the middle all the audience clapped. And then, the curtain closed again and it was all over.

“I mean it, Mitsunari. You delivered your lines perfectly and,” Ieyasu said, a blush forming on his face, “you looked beautiful this evening.”

Mitsunari eyed him skeptically for a moment before he looked away and scowled. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not! Honestly, Mitsunari. I have never seen someone to magnificent as you looked on stage,” Ieyasu told him. Before Mitsunari could respond, Motochika came up and threw his arms around both of their shoulders.

“That was some show, eh, guys?” he said. Mitsunari punched him in the side. Motochika inhaled sharply before he withdrew his arm from the silver haired teen and held it to his injury. “Do you always have to hit so hard?”

“Shut up, Motochika! You’re the reason I was Snow White to begin with!” Mitsunari hissed.

“Yes, well…uh…don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy yourself,” Motochika said, scratching the back of his head. Mitsunari snarled at him.

“No, Motochika, I did not,” he seethed. Motochika smiled slyly at him.

“Not even the kiss between you and Ieyasu? That’s your first one, right?” he countered.

At that, Mitsunari’s face flushed red and he leveled Motochika with a glare that would kill a lesser man. He turned away and tried to hurry out of one of the doors at the very back of the stage, but Ieyasu caught up to him, taking hold of his wrist with one of his hands.

“What do you want, Ieyasu?” Mitsunari ground out.

“I wanted to apologize for Motochika. You know he can’t keep his mouth shut sometimes,” Ieyasu replied.

“Is that all?” Mitsunari asked.

“N-no, it isn’t. I…I wanted to tell you that…I enjoyed our kiss. And I…I wouldn’t mind trying it…again. If you want to,” Ieyasu said, blushing furiously. Mitsunari scrutinized him for a minute before he sighed softly.

“If you’d like, you can make this entire mess up to me by buying me dinner tonight,” Mitsunari said softly, blushing just as badly as Ieyasu was. 

“Really?” Ieyasu asked, a big smile forming on his face, his eyes bright with hope and happiness. Mitsunari gave him a tiny smile in return.

“Really,” he said.

With that, the two of them went to change out of their costumes before leaving the school.


End file.
